Heart aching as though i have millions of needles pricking and twisting in my heart. the aching i felt haven't reduce one bit. I have tons of things to say but at this moment when im supposed to pour everything out, everything felt so empty. All the tears had dried up on me.

Am i getting tired? Tired of you? Tired of everything that comes with you? I dunno hu's fault it lies in. Maybe it's just becos i want something new, something exciting in my life. And with you, i dunno, it seems too peaceful. I noe that many girls would have wished for this. I'm grateful, very, for the things you've brought me. But lately, I kept thinking of the past. Of the other 'him'. I know that in my heart, you win him in every aspect. The way you treat me, love me and cherish me. But i'm still craving for more and more. I kept thinking about the happy times i spent with 'him', how 'he' treated me and most of all how it would end if we had carried on.

I've ever wondered what would happen if i let you go and carry on with our lives seperately. But when i tried to do it, somehow we would end up the same. Together. I can't bear to leave you when i tot of how long we've been together and the things you've done for me. But at te same time i wish that another guy will come and sweep me off my feet. I noe that i'm selfish and greedy. Iwant you onli for myself but at the same time i want to start other relationships.

For a long time, i've been struggling with myself. I'm disgusted by the way i think and feel. So i tried to push these feelings away, hide them in one corner and from everyone else. But, these feelings will rear their ugly head once awhile and im getting tired of fending them. I tried so hard to think that you're the best, that you're the one for me and etc. But it doesn't work anymore. I dunno if it's me at work but everything i dun like seem to be surfacing more and more on you. Your actions, the way you speak and hold yourself. And today, when you tried to say something romantic to me, you failed so horribly. And i started to think about the past, to lament about it. How many things i've missed with you. You always think that it's ok but to me it matters the world. I noe i'm not perfect either, so i shouldn't expect so much from others. But do you noe that when things lidat happen, my body just repel against you, as though it doesn't want to be near you.

These few days, you keep asking me wad was i busy with and i didn't tell you. i was busy with trying to make my 'expired' blog again so that i have a place where i can say everything out to 'someone' but without anyone to know or comment about me. I wan to tell you everything but im afriad tt by tellling you this i would hurt adever's left between us.

Oh gosh. I really dunno wad to do. I'll just try and correct wad i'm feeling or wait for a guy to sweep me off mi feet so it doesn't hurt me to leave you. I noe i'm selfish, but i dunno wad to do. Sleep tight and rest well darling. Pray for us. Pray that everything would turn out well.

Sorry for hurting you.