Heart aching as though i have millions of needles pricking and twisting in my heart. the aching i felt haven't reduce one bit. I have tons of things to say but at this moment when im supposed to pour everything out, everything felt so empty. All the tears had dried up on me.

Am i getting tired? Tired of you? Tired of everything that comes with you? I dunno hu's fault it lies in. Maybe it's just becos i want something new, something exciting in my life. And with you, i dunno, it seems too peaceful. I noe that many girls would have wished for this. I'm grateful, very, for the things you've brought me. But lately, I kept thinking of the past. Of the other 'him'. I know that in my heart, you win him in every aspect. The way you treat me, love me and cherish me. But i'm still craving for more and more. I kept thinking about the happy times i spent with 'him', how 'he' treated me and most of all how it would end if we had carried on.

I've ever wondered what would happen if i let you go and carry on with our lives seperately. But when i tried to do it, somehow we would end up the same. Together. I can't bear to leave you when i tot of how long we've been together and the things you've done for me. But at te same time i wish that another guy will come and sweep me off my feet. I noe that i'm selfish and greedy. Iwant you onli for myself but at the same time i want to start other relationships.

For a long time, i've been struggling with myself. I'm disgusted by the way i think and feel. So i tried to push these feelings away, hide them in one corner and from everyone else. But, these feelings will rear their ugly head once awhile and im getting tired of fending them. I tried so hard to think that you're the best, that you're the one for me and etc. But it doesn't work anymore. I dunno if it's me at work but everything i dun like seem to be surfacing more and more on you. Your actions, the way you speak and hold yourself. And today, when you tried to say something romantic to me, you failed so horribly. And i started to think about the past, to lament about it. How many things i've missed with you. You always think that it's ok but to me it matters the world. I noe i'm not perfect either, so i shouldn't expect so much from others. But do you noe that when things lidat happen, my body just repel against you, as though it doesn't want to be near you.

These few days, you keep asking me wad was i busy with and i didn't tell you. i was busy with trying to make my 'expired' blog again so that i have a place where i can say everything out to 'someone' but without anyone to know or comment about me. I wan to tell you everything but im afriad tt by tellling you this i would hurt adever's left between us.

Oh gosh. I really dunno wad to do. I'll just try and correct wad i'm feeling or wait for a guy to sweep me off mi feet so it doesn't hurt me to leave you. I noe i'm selfish, but i dunno wad to do. Sleep tight and rest well darling. Pray for us. Pray that everything would turn out well.

Sorry for hurting you.

Well... Haven't been blogging for a long time... Suddenly had an urge to write down what is going on in my life right now... When we were busy in school, how often do we wish that there will be a break... But right now, i wish to take a break from my break... Life seem so meaningless with nothing to do and boy my brain do feel very rusty...
The past few days have been quite busy... Rushing from one house to another to pay people a visit for chinese new year but now... Everthing seem so dead to me... My life right now is what you call an empty shell... It's sooo boring... Wanted to find a job but keep delaying it... At the beginning, i gave myself all sorts of excuse... But now, i realise that i was just afraid to go out to work... Afraid of the hard work, afraid of what i will face...
Going through some photos recently... Found myself infatuated with the same guy i was infatuated with 5 years back... But the feeling comes with a sort of resignation... The guy is taken and i do not know him personally... So, i guess i just have to forget about him...

Talking about guys, though I'm not romantically involved with any yet, i've been observing them closely... Guess that have change my opinion in them and what sort of quality you should be looking in them... One example of a great guy is my cousin... He's gentle, caring and sweet to his girlfriend... But the thing that etched into my mind is the way he handled kids... You just have to watch him handle those pesty little kids that can be REALLY unreasonable and you can really melt... His girlfriend must be the luckiest girl in the world... Hope they can get married soon and definitely they will live happily ever after... All the best...!

wah...! today so happy...! haha... went for mi half-a-yr once rebonding... :P... i also asked the anuty to cut a new hairstyle for me... but i tink it looks quite weird... cos mi face appear quite plump... when i cuttin mi hair den got one guy came in as well... den he started tokin non-stop... hmmm... can say makin a fool out of himself... :P... den he started commenting and tell the hairdresses how to cut den nicer... can say he gt help me lar... his comments not bad...
den today super hyper de... so much energy but nth to do... so ended up toking to pple and prancing about at the same time... den decided to go cousin hse stay over...
that was when tragedy struck me... i sprained my goddamn ankle...! so pain... somemore got cuts... now limping everywhere... tink tml nid to see bonesetter liao... sure damn pain one lor... haix... regret for bein in a hurry... causing me to miss the curb... argh!!! tml.... :'(...

hehe... today is quite a happy day...! went out shopping, playing and lots more... suppose to meet tak at 12pm today... i reached almost 20 mins earlier but somehow he late for 30 mins... so i went buy sweets den go arcade at jubilee at mself first... played para-para but failed 3 times cos soo long nv play... den when he reached we went to meet wee qing and joshua at dhouby ghaut mrt station... went to play pool... no nid to say, i was the lousiest... den wee qing and tak teach me lor... budden play wif them they always clear le i haben got in one... played until three something den head to orchard mrt to meet jess.. walked halfway start raining... four of us then go eat lunch b4 going seprate way...
me and jess went to far east... we went to take neoprint and we were damn satisfied wif it... haha... den i bought two bags... the boss there can recognize me le... cos last sat i went to buy two bags as well... den gaf me a member card... aft dat we went walk walk and jess bought eyeliner and sunglass... we next decide to go heeren to shop for caps... it was raining when we walk there... haf to grasp jess arm for support cos i wear slipper...
halfway thru mi mum call me to say mi tutor at mi hse and haf to go home straight... i was damn angry lar... dunno why she there... when reached home then she sae i dun nid tuition mi bro tuition... rush home for nth... but though ending not gd but i still had lots of fun... den can say better in pool den las time... at least can shoot le(doesn't can go in)... haha... :P

sianx.... tml last test paper... yipee...! budden now haben even start study... lit lehx... haix... nvm... one more day... saturday going out wif mi darling le... super duper long nv go out lehx... gonna rot at home le... hmm... pondering whether to cut mi hair not... budden the cost will be somewhere in between $40 to $80... later outcome not nice how?? i'll strangle that person... haha... :P... i wan watch movie nehx... dunno got wad to watch... ghost show maybe... then i gonna hug moni... haha... too bad for her... hope to see shuai ge when i go out... :P... skool got one cute cute one... but younger neh... haix... too bad... whaha...

yippee... feeling great... yesterday went thru lots of stupid things... tot i like a guy... but it doesn't appear to be so... hmm... i seem to go thru this every yr... feel sho silly... nvm... :P... wan to change mi whole lifestyle... a healthy lifestyle... god gaf me health and i'll treasure it... haha.. :P... hmm... later then i rite summore.... gonna rush to mi cousin house...

the tension btwn us haf gone and we haf becum friends once again.... im sorry for saying horrible things about u... i counldn't control mi anger... sorry... sumthing funny happened today... onli wei kang and tak kian knew bout it... haha... that'll be another secret to keep... :P... hmm... bery tired but waiting to watch a jap show by hideaki... he's soooo kawaii neh.... lub u...!! :P